Sudden Impact
by TaliaThompson
Summary: Clay finds himself in a very dark place after returning to an empty home after Mexico. How far will he spin out of control before someone finally notices his silent cries for help?
1. Chapter 1

Ever since Bravo returned to the states after hunting Doza in Mexico, Clay felt like his life was falling apart. His thoughts kept him up at night. Stella was gone, with no sign that she ever even lived in the apartment, Ray was constantly on him about questioning Jason's choices in Mexico and 'disobeying orders' and for some reason that annoyed Clay even more. Jason should be the one questioning him, not Ray. He felt like Jason was so focused on proving Mandy wrong about him being ready to be back, that he was willing to sacrifice the lives and safety of everyone on Bravo.

Clay sat on his couch in the dark, resting his head in his hands, elbows on his knees, and thought back to the night in Mexico when they were ambushed and almost killed. A night that never should have happened in Clays eyes. It was that night that Clay started to lose trust in his team leader, and that scared him.

As Clay was getting deeper and deeper into his thoughts, his phone rang, pulling him back to the present time. He looked at the caller ID and rolled his eyes. ' _God, this is the last thing I want to deal with right now'_ Clay thought. He hit the decline button and put his phone down on the coffee table. He then attempted to sink back into his thoughts, but his phone had other plans. It rang two more times before Clay finally decided to answer it.

"Hello." Clay answered the phone, but it wasn't a friendly hello. Annoyance could definitely be detected in his voice.

"Well hey there son" the voice on the other end of the phone said.

"What's up? What do you need?" Clay wasn't in the mood for small talk, and definitely not from his father, so he wanted to get straight to the point.

"Can't a father just call his son to see how he's doing?" Ash Spenser said.

"You never call me just to see how I'm doing..." Clay was now annoyed and slightly confused at his father's sudden concern for him.

"That's not fair, you know how busy I am." Ash tried to defend himself.

" _What do you want dad?" Clay was tired of him beating around the bush and knew arguing would be like beating a dead horse._

"I'm in town. Was going to see if you were around to take you out to dinner?"

"What!? You're in town? Why?" Clay had so many questions and by now has figured his dad has some sort of ulterior motive. Usually when Ash comes to town, Clay doesn't even know about it until after he's gone, so for his dad to call and invite him to dinner was out of character for the older Spenser.

"I'll pick you guys up around 6. We can talk then." Ash replied.

Clay agreed and then hung up the phone. ' _You guys'_ Clay kept repeating in his head. His dad had no idea Stella was gone and was expecting her to be at dinner tonight.

The last thing he wanted to do was tell his father Stella left him. He had to think of an excuse as to why she wouldn't be there or else he would never hear the end of it from his dad. He slumped back into the couch and started thinking.

Exhaustion finally caught up with him as he pondered an excuse for not only Stella's absence, but also for a way for him to get out of the night. He fell asleep and woke up around 5:00.

"Damn it." He whispered to himself. As much as he needed the sleep, he now no longer had time to cancel his dinner plans. He quickly jumped in the shower and got ready.

At 6:00 on the dot there was a knock on Clay's door, causing his stomach to drop. He was really not looking forward to dinner. He took a deep breath in, let it out, grabbed his keys and headed for the door.

"Hey son!" Ash said rather enthusiastically as he pulled Clay in for a hug.

"Uh, Hey dad." Clay quizzically said back.

"Where's your other half. Figured you two would be attached at the hip by now."

There it was. The question Clay was dreading. "Huh. Oh, yeah. She said sorry she couldn't make it, she has a bunch of midterm exams that need to be graded so she stayed late at work." Clay completely lied through his teeth hoping his father would believe it. "Where we going anyway?" He asked trying to change the subject.

Ash immediately picked up on Clays body language and the mention of Stella and knew whatever Clay was telling him was a lie, but he decided to let it go for now. "Some new Italian place downtown. Heard it was awesome and have been wanting to try it. Figured since I was in town, I'd take you out, see how you've been, catch up a little bit."

"I've heard good things about that place." Clay replied, still suspicious of his father's sudden interest in his life.

Once they were seated at the restaurant Clay started to believe that maybe his father really was interested in how he was doing, allowing him to slightly drop his guard. It actually felt the way any normal father/ son time should feel. And then Ash finally dropped the ball, right before their food arrived.

"So how's bravo team. They treating you alright?" Ash asked.

"Bravos great." Clay replied. He hated talking about work with his dad and he damn sure wasn't going to inform him about his true feeling toward bravo at the moment.

"Yeah. I'm sure." Ash answered sarcastically. "What happened in Mumbai and then Mexico,that sure sounds like things are going great."

"I didn't come here with you to talk about work dad." This was definitely one of the last things Clay wanted to talk about, let alone with his father.

Ash completely ignored his son and continued talking teams, aggravating Clay. "You're a great SEAL, you should be on a great team, not a team that's gonna get you killed. I have a buddy who's putting together a team, says he wants you as his number 2. I told him I would talk you..."

Clay was in disbelief. Did his father really just give him a compliment about being a great SEAL? "What makes you think I want to leave Bravo?"

Ash laughed. "Clay look at you. You're a mess. You were shot in Mumbai, Adam was killed." Clay tensed up at the mentioning of Adam. "Barely escaped Mexico alive. Bravo team is turning into a shit show. Jason is in no shape to be leading a team, Sonny is such a drunk, I don't even know how he functions, and the other three, they just follow suit. To be honest, I can't believe any of you came back alive after Mexico. What does Stella think? Is she ok with you practically dying on your last two missions?" Is she..." Ash paused as he noticed the change in Clay's body language once again at the mention of Stella. "She's gone isn't she?"

Clay just looked at his father, didn't say a word.

"I knew it. The second I saw you I knew something was off. You look like you haven't slept in days. You're clearly not taking care of yourself. She couldn't handle it could she?"

"I don't want to talk about her dad."

Ash had a slightly evil grin on his face, part of him was glad his son's relationship had failed. "And here you thought you could do better than me. Not so easy to have both a family and the team is it?" He couldn't help but rub it in.

Clay pit his fork down and stood up. He'd had enough. "You know, I knew this was a bad idea. I'm fine where I'm at, I don't need you pulling strings to help me advance. I'm perfectly capable of doing that on my own. The last thing I want is to owe you anything and I never want to hear you mention anyone on Bravo or Stella's name again. And don't ever compare me to you! Just because it didn't work with Stella doesn't mean it won't work with someone else. I'm outta here. Bye." Clay then began walking towards the door.

"How you getting home? I have the keys remember?" Ash said with a sly smile on his face.

"I'll walk." Clay said back quietly. Not wanting to make a scene.

"That's a far walk. You'll be walking all night." Ash laughed.

"Better than a car ride with you." Clay said back as he turned around and walked out the door.

Once outside his head was swirling. His mind was going a mile a minute. He was already in a dark place before his shitty dinner with his dad, now he felt like he was heading Deeper and Deeper into the darkness.

The entire walk back to his apartment, and it was a long walk, he mentally beat himself up. At one point he had thought about calling someone from the team for a ride but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He wouldn't call Jason because at the moment, he wasn't a fan of his boss, Ray would just lecture him about anything and everything and anyone else he called would just tell him to get over it or let it go or something else along those lines and he didn't want to hear any of it.

Once he was finally back inside his apartment, he hung his jacket up, went to the fridge and pulled out a beer before sinking into his couch. He was starving but his fridge was smelly due to his lack of motivation to go food shopping and nowhere that delivers was open considering it was the middle of the night.

He just sat there sulking, occasionally sipping on his beer and stared blankly at his television.


	2. Chapter 2

Not long after falling asleep on the couch, Clay had a familiar dream, or rather a nightmare. It was just like the one he experienced in SERE training where his father was trying to drown him. Except this time every time he broke free from his father's tight grasp and swam to the surface, he was met by Stella or someone from Bravo team.

The first time he reached the surface and was met by Stella. She had tears in her eyes as she was breaking up with him. As he went to speak his father grabbed ahold of him and pulled him back under the water, where he once again struggled to break free to try to get back to Stella, except this time when he got to the surface he was met by Ray who was questioning his loyalty to the team and yelling at him for breaking the rules. Once again, as he went to speak his father pulled him back under. This time though he couldn't break free. His father had too tight of a hold on him, continuously telling him how Clay will never be better than he was, that he's just like him and he can't have both a family and be on the teams. He had to choose which one he would rather have.

Finally, right as he felt like he was going to pass out from lack of oxygen, he woke up. He was freezing cold and trying to catch his breath. He hesitantly stood up and walked to the bathroom. Leaning on the sink, he just stared at himself in the mirror. For the first time in his life he didn't recognize the reflection staring back at him. He hated what he was looking at and couldn't figure where his life went so wrong for him to feel like this.

After a minute or two of staring at this 'stranger' in the mirror, he lifted his right hand and landed a punch right smack in the middle if the mirror. Broken glass fell all over the bathroom, small pieces getting caught in the cuts that formed on his knuckles.

He took a few steps back and once his back finally hit the wall, he slid down to a sitting position. He threw his head back against the wall and starting crying. He felt like everyone he at some point cared about was turning their backs on him and he had no idea how to stop it.

He took a look at his hand and through the tears, immediately noticed the bloody and bruised knuckles, with small pieces of glass stuck in the cuts. It hurt like a bitch but he did his best to get all the glass out. Once he was confident he got most of the glass out, he grabbed a hand towel and wrapped it around his hand to try to stop the bleeding. He pulled his knees close to his chest, rested his arms on top and then laid his head down on his arms, where he then cried himself to sleep.

Around 7:30 am he heard a loud banging on his door.. He reluctantly opened his eyes and noticed he was still sitting on his bathroom floor. He sat there for a minute or two, looking around at the broken glass and dried blood that was all over the floor and hoped whoever was at his door would just leave.

"Come on pretty boy. I know you're in there!" Sonny yelled through the door as he continued pounding on the door. "Don't make me a knock a hole through this door, cause you know I will."

Clay rolled his eyes. "Dammit Sonny." He mumbled under his breath. He slowly got up, walked over towards the door and unlocked it. "What do you want Sonny?" He asked as he cracked the door open and poked his head out of the door.

Sonny was a bit taken aback. The kid looked like he hasn't slept in days. He looked Clay dead in the eyes and then pushed his door open and walked right in.

"What the hell are you doing Sonny!? You don't just walk into someone's place." Clay yelled out to him.

"What the hell am I doing!? You should be asking yourself that question! Look at you, you look like shit. When's the last time you slept? And what's up with the hand?" He asked as he pointed to the bloody towel wrapped around his hand.

"Well I was sleeping before someone came pounding on my door and the hands nothing, just a little cut." Clay answered defensively.

"Yeah, ok." Sonny said sarcastically then headed to the bathroom to get stuff to clean Clay's hand. He was not expecting to find broken glass and blood all over the floor. "Dammit kid." He whispered to himself. The concern in his stomach began to grow. He carefully stepped around the broken glass, grabbed what he needed and headed back out to Clay's living room where he found Clay sitting on the couch staring blankly at the wall.

"You want to tell me why it looks like world war three occurred in your bathroom?" Sonny asked carefully as he sat down next to Clay and tried to grab his arm so that he could clean his hand. Clay just pulled it in closer, not waning it to be messed with.

"Slipped getting out of the shower." Was all Clay said. He wouldn't even make eye contact.

"Come on man. Don't lie to me. What's going on with you? Why'd you kill the mirror? Is this all still because of Stella, or Mexico or…"

"Don't!" Clay warned. "It's not. And why are you here anyway?"

"We were supposed to go running this morning, like we do every Sunday morning when were home. You didn't show up, so I tried calling you multiple times. Your phone went straight to voicemail. So I came to make sure you were ok, which clearly, you ain't." Sonny answered. "Now will you please let me take a look at your hand and clean it properly, cause I'm sure you didn't bother cleaning it out."

Clay looked over at Sonny with a slightly confused, slightly annoyed face. "Why are you doing this?"

Sonny was a bit surprised by the question. ' _Why wouldn't I being doing this?_ ' Sonny thought and felt like saying, but Clay was in a fragile place so he had to choose his words carefully. "I'm worried about you kid, now please just let me clean your hand."

Clay reluctantly took the towel off his hand and gave it to Sonny. "Jesus Clay. You should really get that checked out." Sonny said as he started cleaning out the cuts. It hurt like hell but Clay let him finish.

"It looks worse than it feels. It'll heal up in a couple of days." Clay said, afraid Sonny might force him to get it checked out.

"It better. We only got a few more days off before we have to report back. If that hand ain't better, I'm dragging you to the hospital myself."

Clay just looked at Sonny. He didn't know what to make out of Sonny's threat so he didn't say anything.

Sonny walked over to the chair where Clay had hung his jacket and picked it up. "Here. Put this on. We're going to get breakfast. You need to eat something and you clearly have nothing here." Clay reluctantly grabbed his jacket and put it on. He wasn't hungry at all. All he wanted to do was sleep, but he knew the only way to get rid of Sonny was to join him for breakfast.

Sonny couldn't help but notice the way Clay walked to the car. He had his head down, hands in his pockets and didn't say a word. It wasn't his normal, cocky, 'walk with his head held high' walk. The kid looked defeated and he was determined to figure out what had him so down.

"Where you wanna go?" Sonny asked as they entered his truck, attempting to engage Clay in any sort of conversation.

Clay just shrugged his shoulders. "I don't care. Whatever you want."

"Clay. Just pick somewhere. Please." Sonny was almost begging.

"Fine. The diner down the street sounds good."

"See now that wasn't so hard now was it?" Sonny smiled hoping to get one in return. He didn't.

As they sat down in the diner and looked over the menus, Sonny looked up at Clay. He was staring blankly at the menu. "You know what you're gonna get yet?" Sonny asked.

Clay snapped out of his thoughts and answered "Yeah, just eggs and toast, what about you?"

"Since when do you only get just eggs and toast?" Sonny wanted to know.

"Clay shrugged. "I'm just not that hungry ok?

Sonny threw his hands up in surrender. "Come on Clay. You have to eat. At least order more and take the rest home for later. It's all on me." Sonny's concern was growing.

Clay agreed only to get Sonny off his back.

After they ordered, they sat there in silence for a couple minutes. Clay sat with his arms in his lap, staring out the window while Sonny tried to figure out how to get Clay to open up to him without freaking out.

"Sooo, you want to tell me what's on your mind?" Sonny finally broke the silence.

Clay looked over at him. "Not really. Honestly, I just want to go back to bed." His voice was weak.

Sonny nodded. He has definitely battled his fair share of demons himself to know when to give it a rest. He backed off the topic for now, but he was nowhere near letting Clay fight this battle alone.

Once their food came, Sonny watched Clay pick at his food, occasionally taking a bite and then returning to pushing the eggs around on his plate. After he noticed Clay starting to fight sleep at the table, he decided it was time to get some boxes and take Clay back home.

Clay's eyes shut almost immediately after they got back to Sonny's truck. Sonny hated waking him up when they got back to his place but he had to get him up to his bed somehow.

"Hey man. Come on. Let's get you up to your bed." Sonny said as he gently woke Clay up.

Clay slowly opened his eyes and Sonny helped him back up to his apartment. He unlocked the door and walked Clay straight to his bedroom.

After getting him settled in his bed, Sonny stood there and watched for a couple of minutes, until he was absolutely positive Clay was asleep. Once he was sure, he headed to the living room sat down on the couch and called Jason.

"Hey boss." Sonny said into the phone after Jason picked up.

"Sonny, what's up?" Jason asked a little concerned.

"Yeah, uh. I'm over at Clay's. We have a little situation over here…"


	3. Chapter 3

Jason hurried over to Clay's apartment. Sonny didn't go into too much detail over the phone. All he said was there was a situation, Clay needed help and to just walk right in when he got there. Once Jason had arrived he saw Sonny sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. He looked around the room and thought it was a little odd that Clay was nowhere to be found.

Sonny looked up as Jason walked in. They made eye contact and then Jason gave him the 'you gonna tell me what the fuck is going on look?'

"He's in his bed sleeping." Sonny told Jason knowing that was going to be one of the first questions asked. "I don't know exactly what's going on but he's in a bad place right now. I knew something was up the moment he didn't show up for our run. He always beats me there. Always, and when…"

"Get to the point Sonny." Jason interrupted his babble.

"He looks like shit Jason, his kitchen is completely empty so I forced him to go to breakfast with me. The kid barely ate anything he ordered! He could barely keep his eyes open, so he clearly hasn't been sleeping. And when he talks he either sounds completely defeated or he's got some major attitude. And then there's his bathroom." Sonny paused as he mentally pictured it.

"What's wrong with his bathroom?" Jason asked.

"Go see for yourself." Sonny told Jason.

As Jason walked into the bathroom, he saw dried blood and glass everywhere. He put his head down, mentally acknowledging that there was definitely a problem and they needed to get it figured out quick.

He walked back out to the living room and sat down net to Sonny.

"Whatever demons he's fighting in his head, they're getting to him. We gotta break through to him Jase, and we gotta do it before they win." Sonny said concerned.

"You think this has anything to do with Stella? Maybe what happened in Mexico?" Jason asked Sonny.

"I think it's definitely a big part of it. The second I mentioned them he warned me to drop it." Sonny confessed.

"Have any of you talked about what happened? I know you all went through the debriefing after you guys were released from the hospital, but we all know the tricks of pushing away the bad and telling people what they want to hear in order to get cleared for the next mission." Jason treaded lightly.

Sonny remained quiet. He remembered Mexico perfectly, although he spent a majority of his time trying to forget it.

The silence was all Jason needed to hear to know that there was something more that happened in Mexico that he didn't know about. Something that neither Sonny nor Clay wanted to talk about. His mind immediately went to Brock. ' _If they won't open up about it, I doubt I'll get Brock to.'_ Jason thought. He then looked over at Sonny who seemed to be lost in his thoughts.

"Hey." Jason said softly, pulling Sonny back to the present. "We need to figure out what our next move is."

Sonny nodded in agreement. They sat there for a couple of more minutes trying to come up with a plan, or at least a hopeful plan.

Jason called Ray, Brock and Trent and informed them of the situation, all of which said they'd be right over after they did some grocery shopping for Clay. Jason made sure to tell them to just walk in when they got there. Clay needed to catch up on as much sleep as possible and they didn't want to risk waking him up by someone knocking on the door. They all agreed.

As soon as Jason was done on the phone, they both stood up. They walked in to Clay's bedroom to check on him. He was sound asleep but it by no means looked like a peaceful sleep.

"Should we wake him?" Sonny asked.

"No. Let him go for now." Jason whispered, taking in the sight of his youngest brother. Sonny was right. He didn't look at all, but what really concerned Jason was the wrapped up hand.

Jason tapped on his hand as he looked over at Sonny. "How bad is it?"

Sonny shrugged his shoulders a bit. "Bloody and bruised to hell, but he insists he doesn't need a doctor."

"I'll be the judge of that once he wakes up." Jason informed Sonny as they left Clay's room.

As they walked by the bathroom Sonny said "We need to get this cleaned up. You want to go grab the broom from the kitchen?"

Jason agreed and then headed towards the kitchen. As he was grabbing the broom, they heard a low cry coming from Clay's bedroom. They both ran in and saw Clay sitting straight up, panting for breath.

"Hey kid. It's ok. We're here." Jason said in a soothing voice as he and Sonny approached Clay.

Clay looked around, recognizing he was in his bedroom and then looked up slightly confused, and even more annoyed. "What are you doing here?" He asked Jason and then looked over at Sonny "and why are you still here?"

"We're worried about you kid." Sonny spoke up first.

"Well you don't have to be. I'm perfectly fine." Clay barked out.

"Yeah. We can see that." Jason laughed sarcastically.

Clay just glared at the two of them as he laid back down. He hated that anyone was seeing him like this, let alone Jason and Sonny. He thought that maybe if he just closed his eyes, when they opened back up Jason and Sonny would be gone. Besides he was still too tired to argue with them anyway. Before he knew it, he fell back asleep.

"Damn. Guess he really hasn't been sleeping for him to konk out like that." Sonny uttered.

Although satisfied that Clay had indeed gone back to sleep, it also worried him a bit. Clay didn't even attempt to argue about them being there. He walked back out to the living room and plopped down on the couch. Sonny followed right behind. "I knew it was bad, but I didn't think things were this bad." Jason said putting his head in his hands. "I should have been on him more. I should have been on all three of you after you got out of the hospital."

"Don't beat yourself up over that. Whatever is going on here, it's more than just Mexico. That's not on you, but it is up to us to figure it out." Sonny informed Jason.

Jason nodded. He knew Sonny was right.

"Alright, now let's get this place tidied up now before the rest of Clay's unwanted company gets here. What do you think?" Sonny smirked. If the kid was mad about just the two of them there, wait until he woke up to the whole team there.

Jason headed to the kitchen to grab the broom he was supposed to grab earlier while Sonny headed straight to the bathroom and started picking up the larger pieces of glass and placing them in the trash can.

Just as Jason entered the bathroom Ray and Brock walked in with a handful of groceries and put them down on the counter. "How is he?" Ray asked.

"Asleep, but not too good." Jason informed them. "Where's Trent?"

"He stopped by the liquor store to pick a few extra things up." Brock replied.

Jason and Sonny then returned to the bathroom while Ray and Brock put away the groceries. Moments later there was a loud knock at door.

Sonny scrunched his face in concern, hoping it didn't wake Clay. Jason shook his head in annoyance. "So help me god if that's Trent. I made myself perfectly clear to just walk in!" Jason stormed over to the door while Sonny checked on Clay, relieved that he still seemed to be asleep. Ray and Brock just stood there, watching a pissed off Jason stride over to the door. Sonny walked back out to the living room, fully expecting to hear Jason quietly yelling at Trent, but instead just found Jason standing at the door with his hand on the door knob.

"I think we just found our missing puzzle piece." Jason said as he opened the door, revealing Ash Spenser on the side of the door.


	4. Chapter 4

Everyone stopped dead in their tracks, not believing what they were seeing. They have all heard of and seen pictures of Clays father, but none have actually met him in person. If they were being honest, none of them wanted to. Especially not now.

"Who are you? Where's Clay at? I need to talk to him now." Ash said as he attempted to step into the apartment only to be block by Jason.

"What are you doing here?" Jason asked, trying his best to keep voice down and not give Ash the beat down he deserved, not only for the things he said in the book, but also for the things he has done to Clay.

Ash took a small step step, surprised that the large man standing in his sons apartment was denying him access. "Ahh... You must be Jason." Ash said with a snarky attitude. "Maybe I should be the one asking YOU what YOUR doing here?"

"Excuse me? What's the hell is that supposed to mean? I'm here cleaning up YOUR mess." Jason was beginning to lose his temper.

"My mess? How is any of this my mess? Whatever is going on with him that's all on Stella and YOU. All of you!" Ash said pointing to the other members of bravo standing around watching the argument happen, hoping Clay wouldn't wake up.

Ash blaming Jason and the rest of Bravo is what sent Jason over the edge. No longer able to control his temper, he balled his right fist and threw a punch right at an unsuspecting Ash.

Ash stumbled backwards until he was braced by the hallway wall opposite of Clays door and gently brought his hand up to his lip, pulling it away to find blood on his fingers. Ash was about to go back at Jason when all of a sudden Clay appeared out of nowhere, early annoyed.

"Can everyone please get the fuck out!" Clay yelled. All he wanted was to sleep and be alone, not have a house full of people, who he didn't even invite over, arguing.

"Clay, just take a se..." Sonny started to say,trying to calm the entire situation down.

"GET OUT!" Clay cut him off and yelled at everyone.

Ash listened right away. The rest of the team paused and then reluctantly listened One by one walked they out the door.

Once he was finally alone, Clay sat down on his couch, not knowing that Bravo was still standing outside his door planning their next move.

Clay was at the bottom of his rope. He no longer knew what to do or how to turn things back around. He wasn't sure if he wanted to stay on Bravo. If the post-Alana Jason that showed up in Mexico was the new Jason he didn't know how he could stay. That Jason was too determined to prove to everyone that he was fine and ready to be back, even if it meant putting the team in extreme danger. On the other hand though, he didn't want to give his father the satisfaction of leaving the team. He could already hear how that conversation would play out in his head.

He was truly at a loss. Frustration, anger, anxiety all boiling over. There was a small, mostly empty glass of water on the coffee table in front of him. He did the only thing he could think of to release some of those feelings and picked up the glass, sending it flying across his living room. Upon impact with the wall, the glass shattered and fell to ground.

Outside the door the entire team heard the glass shatter. Jason was about to head back in when Sonny stopped him. "Hey. Maybe let me and Brock try to handle this. We know he doesn't want us all here so maybe all of us going in is a bad idea. Besides I think there's a conversation that needs to be had between the three of us."

Jason didn't like the idea. Not one bit, but he knew Sonny was right. "Fine but I want to know what happens as soon as possible. Understand?"

Both Sonny and Brock nodded their heads then cautiously and quietly opened the front door, not knowing if Clay has anything else he could send flying in their direction.

Sonny's heart dropped when he saw the kid sitting on the floor with his back against the couch and tears rolling down his face.

Clay looked up as he noticed the two men approaching him. With no fight left he said "I thought I told you guys to leave?" His voice sounding completely broken.

"We were gonna, and then you sent that poor, innocent glass to an early grave." Sonny was trying to lighten up the tension but Clay wouldn't even look at them let alone crack a smile.

Sonny walked around the coffee table and silently sat on the floor next to Clay while Brock took a seat next to his other side on the couch.

Clay could no longer hold any of his emotions in. He completely broke down on Sonny's shoulder and Sonny pulled him in closer. They all sat there for a good 15 minutes without saying word. Brock and Sonny silently supported Clay as he let the tears fall, waiting for Clay to speak first.

As soon as Clay finally calmed down enough to get a sentence out, he broke the silence. "I... I don't know what's wrong with me." He admitted.

"Hey. Look at me." Sonny said, forcing Clay to stare him in the eyes. "NOTHING is wrong with you. NOTHING. You're just in a dark place right now. It happens. We've all been there. Every single one of us has had to crawl our way out of the darkness."

"And every single one of us has, because we have each other to help." Brock added.

"Everything just all hit at once. Stella, Jason, Mexico, my dad. I don't know how to get it all out of my head." Clay admitted. "I can't even sleep at night without being reminded of everything."

"Nightmares?" Brock asked.

"Every time I fall asleep." Clay replied.

"Have you talked about it?" Sonny asked.

Clay was a bit confused. "Have I talked about what?"

"Mexico, what we went through, what you said." Sonny whispered. He knew this conversation was bound to happen, he just wasn't sure if any of them were ready for it to happen so soon.

"It's not just Mexico though. It's everything." Clay explained.

"But Mexico is part of it, correct?" Brock chummed back in.

"Well yeah, but" Clay began to say.

Sonny gently cut him off. "But nothing. Look Clay. What happened there, we need to talk about it. All three of us. I know it's hard, trust me I've been dreading this conversation since the day we were found, but it's step one in moving past it."

The three men sat there again in silence for a few minutes. All replaying the events of those 42 hours they were held captive and tortured.

"We never should have followed Lazo when he left that club. He knew we were following him and Jason led us right into that ambush." Clay was the first to speak up.

"It's not entirely Jason's fault. At the time, we were unaware that the mission was leaked. You know Jason never would have led us into that ambush on purpose." Sonny said, attempting to see both sides.

"Do I? He was so desperate to prove that he was ready to be back. I feel like he would have risked anything to prove that point." Clay bit back.

"Oh come on man. Jason would NEVER intentionally put any of our lives on the line like that. Did he make a questionable call? Absolutely. Did I agree with it? Not entirely. I do understand why he made it though." Sonny explained.

"It was a tough call but it had to be made." Brock added.

Clay slightly nodded his head but didn't say anything else.

"After the RPG hit the van and we jumped, you guys were both unconscious. I watched Jason do whatever he could to get to us before the cartel did. He was hit you know... in the vest, but it knocked the wind out of him pretty good. Martinez was hit trying to help get him back to cover. By that time we were already gone. Jason refused to go to the hospital until we were found. Turns out the impact broke two of his ribs and bruised the hell out of him."

"Why didn't I know any of that?" Clay asked.

"How could you have? The blast and fall from the RPG knocked you out. You were unconscious when he got hit and didn't wake up until we were halfway to that warehouse." Sonny told him

"And then after we were found, he was checked out and released while you and I were still sedated. In the two weeks you were sedated he healed enough to be able to hide the pain from you once the sedation was lifted." Brock added.

"Why? Why did he want to hide that?" Clay didn't understand.

"He didn't want to worry us. I only knew because I watched him go down and asked him about it in the hospital. But enough about Jason, we need to talk about those 42 hours. Sonny sighed, causing them to all go silent again.


	5. Chapter 5

It was a conversation they all dreaded, but in order for them to move on, it had to be talked about. At least Sonny and Brock felt that way. Clay didn't fully understand why the conversation was so important.

Clay closed his eyes as flashbacks of those two days in Hell played over and over in his head.

/

 **Mexican Warehouse – 2 months earlier**

Clay, Sonny and Brock were blindfolded, had their hands handcuffed behind their backs and ankles bound together. As the truck they were thrown in after being abducted pulled into the warehouse, they were roughly dragged out as members of the cartel pulled them over to the back of the building and chained them to the wall.

They could hear people talking in Spanish in the distance about what their next moves were going to be. Brock and Sonny both looked at Clay knowing he was the only one who could understand what they were saying. Clay didn't like what they were saying and he prayed that help would come sooner rather than later.

Clay was just about to inform Sonny and Brock what the cartel members were saying, but as he went to open his mouth they heard footsteps approaching them. Clay instantly shut his mouth and all three of them tensed up.

Their blindfolds were removed and they were able to see part of their 'prison' for the first time. In front of them stood seven men, two of them being Doza and Lazo. They didn't even have to look at each other to know what the others were thinking. _Whatever is about to happen is not going to be good._

Doza said something in Spanish and when no one answered, one of the men stepped forward and struck Sonny hard across the face.

Sonny chuckled, shook his head and spit a little bit of blood out onto the foot of the man that hit him.

The three men looked at each other and reached a silent understanding, no one can know that Clay is fluent in Spanish. That was the only advantage they had at the moment. If they were under the impression that none of them spoke Spanish, hopefully the cartel would continue speaking freely around them and they could gain a slight upper hand by knowing what was coming.

After continued attempts at trying to get someone to reply in Spanish, Doza began speaking in English "Who sent you here?"

No one answered. This time it was Clay who was at the receiving end of the strike.

"I will ask one more time before I begin losing my patience, who sent you guys here?" Doza spoke through his teeth.

When they still refused to reply, Doza's patience reached the end of its rope. "Get them out of my face!" Doza ordered as he and Lazo watched the five other men unchain them and pull them by the handcuffs on their wrists to a small, dark room with chains hanging from the rafters. Each man had chains attached to their handcuffs and were hoisted off the ground until they were each hanging just barely out of reach of the floor.

"Lazo se va a diverter con ellos." One of the guys joked, causing the rest to laugh. Once each man was securely hanging from the rafters, they exited the room.

The little bit of light that entered through the doorway was just enough for them to see that once the door was closed, that they were alone in the room.

They remained quiet for a few minutes, each debating if it was safe to speak. Sonny's curiosity got the best of him and he whispered to Clay "What did he say?"

"Nothing specific, just that Lazo's gonna have fun with us." Clay whispered back.

It didn't take long for the handcuffs to begin digging into their wrists. The longer they hung, the more sore their arms became. Every move they made to attempt to find a somewhat bearable position just caused the cuffs to dig deeper into their wrists and the blood to run down their arms.

They were left to hang there for the next few hours. Doza had hidden a night vision camera in a dark corner so they he could see and hear what they were doing. He had already learned that the blonde one understood Spanish. He hoped that the longer they hung there, maybe one of them would slip again and reveal details about who sent them.

No one said anything useful to Doza. They only sounds he could hear, were the occasional grunts of pain and them asking each other how they were holding up.

Finally after about four hours Sonny, Brock and Clay began to doze off. Doza's frustrations grew causing him to send Lazo in earlier than he had anticipated. "They won't talk if they're sleeping. No one sleeps until I know exactly what they're here for…or they're dead. Understood?"

Lazo understood perfectly and he had the perfect plan in mind to ensure Doza's orders were followed. He walked to the room where the three members of Bravo were being held and opened the door.

The screech of the door instantly cause the three men to snap back into alert mode and turn their attention to the door. They had no idea how long they were hanging there but judging by the numbness in their arms it had to be awhile. As the door opened wider they all scrunched their eyes shut and looked away from the door and the light that entered with it.

Once their eyes had adjusted, they noticed actual lights had been turned on and Lazo was standing in front of them.

Their stomachs turned as they noticed the table of weapons and tools next to him. "Hello friends. Ready for our little play date?" Lazo smiled.

"We ain't your friend's hombre." Sonny barked back, his way of hiding the fear he was experiencing. Clay and Brock instantly glared over at him. They knew this was Sonny's was of coping, but Lazo was not the guy to mess around with.

"That's unfortunate. I had a lot of fun planned for us today." Lazo replied as he walked around his table, deciding on what he wanted to 'play' with first.

"Yeah, sorry about that. As you can see, we're a little tied up at the moment. We'll take a rain check though." Sonny smirked back with another smartass comment.

"Shut up dude." Brock mumbled under his breath.

Lazo didn't reply. Instead he picked up a small metal pipe that was on the table, walked over to Sonny and began hitting him repeatedly with it.

Sonny growled out in pain as he tried to stop himself from panting while Clay and Brocks eyes widened in fear. Lazo was definitely not playing around.

"Now, which one of you speaks Spanish?" Lazo questioned as he eyed down each of the three men hanging in front of him. Doza had informed him it was the blonde one, but he wanted to hear it from them.

"Our team is going to find us and when they do, you're all dead men!" Brock hissed out, ignoring the question that was asked.

Lazo picked up a crowbar from the table and slowly made his way over to brock, stopping only a few inches away from him. He pulled back and let loose, swinging the bar into Brocks left side.

Brock held back his scream. It hurt like a bitch but he would be damned if he was going to show that to Lazo.

Lazo walked back over to the table and put the crowbar back down. He walked back towards the door and before he walked out, turned around to get another look at his prisoners. "You know, it's a little too quiet in here. What kind of host would I be if I didn't provide entertainment?" He smiled as he turned on a radio to full blast. The heavy metal music that was playing was so loud they couldn't even hear themselves think.

Lazo turned the lights off, returning the room to pitch black and turned the heat way up.

Clay attempted to ask Sonny and Brock how they were, but despite how close they were to each other, they couldn't hear a thing over the music.

It too about 45 minutes for them to each begin sweating. The longer they hung there, the worse it got. Within the next hour they were each dripping sweat.

During the next five hours they tried their best to block out both the unbearably loud music and the heat. They had each been through the training in green team and they were thankful for being taught coping mechanisms. It worked pretty well for Brock and Sonny who both had people back home waiting for them. Clay on the other hand struggled. He had no one waiting back home for him. Stella was gone, his dad couldn't care less about him and the rest of his family was gone. Sure he had a few friends, but no one that actually meant a whole lot to him.

His thoughts started to get the better of him. He began to convince himself no one would care if he died and felt himself giving up. _'No one back home would care if I died. Why fight the inevitable? Sure the team would be upset for a little bit, but they would eventually get over it and replace me.'_ He thought.

Suddenly he was pulled from his thoughts when the music went mute, the lights flickered on and the door opened.

At this point, heat exhaustion had crept in on all of them. The sweating was beginning to stop as they no longer had enough water in their bodies to sweat out. They were extremely dehydrated, tired, thirsty and suffering muscle cramps.

Doza and Lazo slowly made their way in front of the three men, none of which could even lift their heads up to look at them. Both Doza and Lazo had every intention of killing the three men, but not yet. Not until they had the information they wanted. The temperature of the room was turned back down to a comfortable temperature. Lazo had one of his men bring a large pitcher of water and placed it on the table. He fills up a cup and walks over to each man, holding their heads up to allow each one to have only a couple sips, nowhere near close enough to satisfy their thirst but definitely enough to lead them to wanting more.

Once again, Doza asks who sent them to Mexico.

No one answers. Lazo walks over to the table and grabs the pitcher of water, then walks over to Clay. "You sure you don't have anything you want to tell us?"

Clay just stares at him. He's not sure he could answer even if he wanted to.

"Alrighty then, so be it." Lazo says as he takes a few big drinks out of the pitcher and then dumps the rest on the ground.

Once Lazo walks back to the table, Doza approaches Clay. "Stupid move, boy."

At this point, Clay has a pretty good idea that they know he understands the language, but he didn't care. He was in pain, his wrists were raw, his arms and shoulders killing him, exhausted in every possible way. He was at the point where he almost welcomed death. He would gladly take the brunt of the torture, even if it resulted in his death, as long as Brock and Sonny were left alone.

Doza just watched Clay for a minute. He recognized the hopeless look in Clay's eyes and planned on using it to his advantage. "You speak Spanish, no?"

Clay still didn't answer. He wanted to, but he couldn't get the words out. He thought he nodded his head enough for Doza to notice but he didn't.

Unsatisfied, Doza ordered two of his men to unchain Brock and strap him to a table on the other side of the room.

Once Brock was unchained he immediately fell to the ground, too weak to support his own weight.

They dragged him over to a table where he was strapped face up to a table. Once they start beating Brock, Clay's adrenaline kicks in and he somehow manages to find just enough strength to admit he does speak Spanish and to let Brock go.

The men ignored Clay, continuing to beat Brock until he fell unconscious. They then unstrap him from the table and drag him back over to the chains and hoist him back up off the ground.

Doza walks back over to Clay, grabs his face and forces him to look over at Brock. He then tells Clay in Spanish that Brocks beating was all his fault and that Sonny was next.

Clay manages to pull his face out of Doza's and glares at him. Informing both Doza and Lazo that regardless of what happens to them, they're both dead men."

Lazo and Doza both laugh at Clay's threat and then head for the door, turning the loud music back up and leaving the lights on. Doza wanted Clay to see the pain Brock was in. He knew Clay was close to cracking, or at least he thought he was.

Sonny lifted his head up and looked over at Clay and he wasn't a fan of what he saw. He had never seen the kid look so defeated. He desperately wished he could talk to Clay, but no level of screaming could be heard over the deafening music. After a couple minutes of staring at Clay, Clay finally looked over at Sonny. The only way to communicate was through facial expressions. Sonny lifted his eyebrows and gave Clay the 'are you going to be ok' look to which Clay shook his head no.

Clay truly believed he wasn't going to be ok. On top of being in pain, overheated and exhausted, having to watch Brock beaten into unconsciousness was more than he could handle. Now he had to continue hanging there for God only knows how long, listening to the deafening music and staring at Brock, hoping he would wake up, all while knowing the next time Doza and Lazo return that Sonny is going to be next. He would much rather it be him. He HAD to find a way for it to be him.

The longer they hung there, the more Clay tried to figure out ways to convince Doza and Lazo to let him be next. Sonny could see Clay's wheels turning and wished he knew where his head was at. He knew Clay wasn't ok, what he didn't know was if that meant mentally, physically or both.

There was a clock on the wall and Sonny and Clay watched the hours slowly ticked by. Brock would occasionally slip in and out of consciousness, which both Clay and Sonny took as a positive. At least he was starting to come around from time to time they thought. They continued watching the clock, wondering why it was taking so long for Doza and/or Lazo to return.

The waiting, accompanied by the loud music and lack of sleep was driving them crazy. They weren't sure exactly how long it has been since they've been abducted but they knew it was at least a full day. That meant at least 36 hours with no sleep, probably more, but sleep was impossible with that obnoxious music.

Right before they both felt like they were going to completely lose their minds, the door swung open. Neither Clay nor Sonny had the energy to look up. The music was once again turned off and Doza and Lazo reappeared in front of them. They first checked on Brock, slightly annoyed that he was still alive. Then Lazo stood in front of Sonny while Doza stood in front of Clay. Both of their chins were lifted up, forcing them to each to look up.

"Lucky for you, your friend over there is still alive. I thought for sure he'd be dead by now." Doza said to Clay. "Let's see how long your other friend here can last. My guess, not as long."

Clay new this was most likely his only chance to convince Doza to torture him instead of Sonny. "Please. Leave them alone." He begged. "Take me. Take me instead. Kill me if you want but please just leave them alone."

Sonny immediately turned his attention to Clay. He didn't like the way the kid was talking. Not one bit. Sonny was just about to speak, when Doza beat him to it.

"Oh don't you worry. You'll get your turn, but right now it's his turn." Doza said pointing to Sonny.

Before Clay could even protest, Lazo struck Sonny with a taser. The shock caught Sonny off guard, causing him to scream out in pain. He then alternated between hitting him in the torso and then tasing him. The electrical shock of the taser quickly took its toll on the already weakened Sonny. Within just a couple of minutes he was unconscious.

"So help me God. If I wasn't chained up right now, I'd kill you both with my bare hands." Clay mumbled angrily.

"Oh yeah?" Doza laughed. "I'd like to see you try." Lazo then proceeded to unchain Clay, resulting in him falling straight to the ground. Clay remained still for a second attempting to catch his breath. He was in more pain than he expected to be. Every muscle in his body from his waist up was killing him. Doza approached Clay and uncuffed him. "Alright tough guy. Let's see what you got." Doza challenged.

Both Doza and Lazo stood next to Clay, waiting for Clay to make his move. When he didn't Lazo looked at Doza, shrugged his shoulders and kicked Clay as hard as he could in the side.

The kick knocked the wind out of Clay but he managed to get himself up to all fours. Just as he was about to attempt to stand, he took another kick to the side causing him to fall right back down, but managing to scoot himself over towards the wall to try to stand himself up.

Doza looked at Lazo and they both laughed. Clay was practically slumped up against the wall. "You're pathetic, you know that? You can't even fight back, let alone kill one of us."

Clay was in too much pain and too out of breath to respond. As much as he wanted to respond, as much as he wanted to get up and wrap his hands around their throats, he just couldn't.

Lazo took a few more steps closer to Clay and kicked him one last time, this time in the head causing Clay to immediately fall unconscious.

"Hang him back up, and wait for him to regain consciousness. We're not done with him." Doza ordered Lazo, who complied and then left the room.

All three men hung there for the next hour unconscious. Sonny was the first one to come too and noticed Brock starting to stir and a bloody unconscious Clay. "Hey. Brock." Sonny quickly stopped talking. He would have kicked himself if he could for using Brocks name.

Brock heard his name being called and slowly lifted up his head and looked over at Sonny. He then furrowed his brow, noticing Clays condition. "What happened to him?" Brock breathed out.

"I don't know. Woke up and found him like that. You good?" Sonny asked.

"Not really. You?" Brock breathed out again.

"Will be." Sonny replied.

They hung there for a few more minutes before Clay began to slowly make his way back to consciousness. It took some time for him to fully come too but when he did Sonny demanded to know what happened.

"Lazo happened. Don't worry about it. I'm fine." Clay mumbled.

"You're fine? You're definitely not fine. Look at you man." Sonny was trying to be sympathetic.

"I said I'm fine." Clay bit back. He felt responsible for what happened to Sonny and Brock. He felt like if he would have just been honest from the beginning Brock and Sonny would be fine. He was also pissed off at Jason for getting them into this situation in the first place.

Sonny looked over at Brock and gave him a concerned look. Neither one of them liked where Clay's head was at but decided to back off for the time being.

They hung there in silence for a little longer before the door opened back up. Brock and Sonny both lifted their heads. Clay had no desire to.

Lazo snickered at Doza. "Looks like blondie's playing dead."

"Hey. I'm the only one that gets to call him that. Understand!?" Sonny yelled at Lazo.

Lazo replied with a quick punch to Sonny's gut that instantly shut him up.

Doza unchained Clay and once again he fell to the ground. This time though he didn't attempt to move. He just laid there until Lazo ordered his men to pick him up and strap him down on the table. As he was picked up, he didn't even attempt to fight.

"Come on man. Don't give up. Fight!" Sonny yelled at Clay.

Clay just looked over at Sonny and Brock. He had no fight left in him. Didn't see a reason to fight. He acknowledged the fact that he was most likely going to die in that room and he was ok with that. Death would mean no more pain, plus, he was still slightly convinced no one would miss him. "I'm sorry" was the only response he gave Sonny.

"No. You don't get to do that. You don't get to give up. Not now. Not ever." Sonny shouted back.

Brock was about agree with Sonny when Lazo sent two of his men over to shut them up. A few hard hits to each man was enough to send them both into the darkness, Clays already low spirits dropping to the floor as they fell unconscious.

He was tossed onto the table and roughly strapped down. The next thing he knew there was a cloth over his face and what felt like an endless supply of water dumped on top. "You looked a little dehydrated, thought we'd give you some water." Lazo laughed as Clay attempted to squirm, trying to catch his breath.

As soon as the water stopped pouring, he gasped for air, each breath hurting more than the last. The reprieve only lasted for 2 minutes before more water began pouring over his face. He could feel the water filling in his lungs.

When the water stopped this time it was impossible for him to catch his breath. He could do nothing but cough up water. Each time he coughed, he felt his broken ribs protesting the movement. The cloth was placed back over his face for a third time. He was sure this would be the round that killed him. The water began pouring over his face one last time and the last thing he remembered hearing before succumbing to the darkness was gunshots. Or at least he thought he did. At this point he wasn't sure if they were real or if he was just hearing things.

The next thing he knew, he was waking up in a Mexican hospital two weeks later.

 **Clays Apartment – Present time**

"Why'd you do it? Why'd you just give up?" Sonny asked. "Out of everything they did to us, watching you give up, that hurt more than any of that."

Brock nodded his head in agreement. "I would go through that physical pain ten times over before watching someone I care about give up."

Clay looked up. He didn't realize how much him giving up affected them. He now understood why this conversation had to happen and for the first time, he felt like he was ready to talk about it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Two Months Ago – Mexican Warehouse**

The remaining members of Bravo and some of the Mexican marines stormed the warehouse, killing anyone who attempted to stand in their way. They knew their captured teammates were here and they weren't leaving without them.

They had divided into two teams in order to cover more ground in a timely manner. Jason, Trent and Lopez took the first floor, while Ray, and three Mexican marines took the second. Blackburn had also joined in on the mission but he remained outside with a few other marines and a team of medical staff, just in case they were needed.

Ray and his team quickly searched the second floor for any signs of their brothers, killing anyone they came into contact with. It was mostly open space, not too many rooms, so it didn't take long for them to clear the floor and make contact with Jason. "Bravo One, Bravo Two. Second floor is clear, making our way back down to you." Ray said over the radio to Jason.

"Copy Bravo Two. Follow the trail of bodies, you'll find us." Jason reported to Ray.

Right before Ray and his team rejoined Jason and his team, Jason's team came upon a heavily guarded room and immediately fell into a gun battle. Ray and his team heard the gun shots and immediately hurried to assist in returning fire.

Although outnumbered, Bravo and the marines made quick work of the men attempting to defend the room.

They quickly approached the door, not sure what they were going to find inside. A thousand different possibilities of what could be on the other side of the door played through their heads, but they knew this had to be where Sonny, Brock and Clay had to be, hopefully still alive.

Ray was the first to put his hand on the door handle while the rest of the team prepared to enter as soon as Ray opened it.

Jason looked over at him and gave him a slight nod, indicating it was time for him to open the door.

As he quickly scanned the room, the first thing Jason noticed was Brock and Sonny hanging by their wrists from the ceiling and immediately after noticed Lazo and Doza standing by a table, pouring water over a man who was not moving, strapped down to it. He knew it had it be Clay, causing his heart to drop to the floor.

Jason and Trent had each sent bullets flying towards Doza and Lazo before any of them could realize what was going on. Each one hitting their targets in non-life threatening areas. Both Doza and Lazo hit the ground in pain as Jason and Trent made their way over to them to secure them.

Ray and the Mexican marines quickly took down the rest of the cartel members in the room that were standing by Brock and Sonny.

Once all of the cartel members were either dead or secure, Bravo could finally tend to their injured members.

Jason immediately noticed Clay wasn't breathing. He jumped up on the table and straddled Clay at the waist and immediately started CPR, while Trent called Blackburn over the radio and informed him that they needed medical in there right away.

Ray and Lopez quickly went to work at carefully lowering Brock and Sonny. As Sonny was being lowered he regained consciousness and started fighting and thrashing against the hands that were touching him. "Easy Sonny, easy! It's just us. You're okay!" Ray tried to calm him down but Sonny either didn't hear him or just wasn't listening. The only thing that seemed to pull him back to the present time was seeing Jason on top of Clay performing chest compression.

Ray noticed how Sonny froze at the sight in front of him and tried to reassure him everything was alright. "Hey man, focus on me, he's going to be okay. Medical is on their way in right now." Ray said as he tried to guide Sonny's eye contact to him.

Sonny pulled away, not wanting to take his eyes off of Clay. "He's not okay, Ray. He's not okay." Sonny was basically at the verge of tears. Ray didn't know how to respond. He didn't have any idea what the three of them went through, all he knew was that whatever happened wasn't good.

Luckily for Ray, he didn't have to respond. Everyone's attention was brought to Clay as Jason's CPR attempts became successful and Clay coughed up mouthfuls at water, just as Blackburn and the medical team entered the room.

The medics quickly split up to make sure each person was receiving medical attention. All three were extremely dehydrated, bruised and broken.

Sonny tried to deny medical attention, telling them to go take care of Clay instead, but Blackburn insisted he let the medics look at him. They hooked him up to an IV for fluids and evaluated the rest of his condition, all the while he was trying to find out how Brock and Clay were.

Brock remained unconscious and his breathing was a little labored, which concerned the medics. The bruising throughout his torso concerned them and they wanted to get him to a hospital immediately so that they could run more tests and get answers.

Clay was now barely conscious. He had coughed up a good amount of water, but he still struggled to breathe. Between the water that remained in his lungs and his broken ribs, catching a breath was next to impossible, which really worried the medics.

"We need to get him to a hospital immediately if he's going to make it." One of the medics said to Jason, loud enough for everyone to hear.

Sonny desperately wanted to be by Clay's side, to encourage him to keep fighting, but he knew how important it was to stay out of the medic's way. Besides, he was pretty confident Blackburn would have told him to stay put anyway.

The medics quickly loaded them into the trucks and rushed to base hospital.

 **Clay's apartment – Present time**

Clay searched for the words to answer Sonny's question about giving up. He opened his mouth a couple of times to answer, but each time no words would come out.

"Come on man, you know you can talk us." Brock encouraged him.

Clay nodded his head as he fought to keep the tears from falling. "I just, I couldn't handle it anymore." He paused, waiting to see if Brock or Sonny had anything to say to that or if they were waiting for him to continue. When they didn't respond, he decided to continue. "The pain, physically, mentally, emotionally, it all just got to me."

Sonny and Brock were slowly starting to understand that the reason he gave up was from more than just the physical pain. "Stella?" Sonny asked, treading carefully, knowing she was still a sore subject.

Clay nodded as tears slowly began to fall. "Stella, my dad, Jason, you guys. I felt like I had lost everything I ever cared about. Like I had nothing left to fight for."

"You guys? As in Brock and I?" Sonny asked, slightly confused.

"They beat you guys into unconsciousness because of me. That was all my fault. If we would have just been honest with them from the beginning, they wouldn't have punished me by torturing you." Clay confessed.

"Dude. You can't possibly blame yourself for that. We all agreed that we were going to keep that a secret." Brock stated.

"I'm the one that asked you what they said once we were alone. We didn't know they could hear us, so if anyone should feel the blame it should be me." Sonny said.

Clay immediately shook his head, disagreeing with Sonny. "They were going to find out regardless of if you asked me or not, if we would have just told them from..."

"Come on Clay. That's not on you man. You know they were going to beat the shit out of us regardless of if you spoke Spanish or not, but that's still no reason for you to just give up. You're a fighter, one of the strongest guys I know. Watching you give up, knowing there was nothing I could do to help, that killed me inside." Brock cut him off.

"It's not like I wanted to give up." Clay stated as he tried to keep more tears from falling.

"So then why did you!?" Sonny asked.

"I just thought if I was the first to go, that would give you both more time for Jason to find you alive. You both have people who love and care about you, I don't. I have nothing. No one would miss me. Stella's gone, my dad's an ass, I have no family…" Clay sobbed, no longer able to hold any of the tears back before Sonny cut him off.

Sonny immediately pulled Clay in tight for a hug, letting him cry on his shoulder. "Don't you ever think like that, you understand? WE are your family. WE care about you and WE would be devastated if anything ever happen to you. Don't you ever forget that."

Clay just nodded into Sonny's shoulder, unable to control his emotions enough to respond.

All three sat there in silence, each with tears in their eyes until Clay managed to pull himself back together and regain his composure. Once he did he sat up and apologized. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I gave up. I'm sorry I didn't fight."

"We're sorry. We knew you were hurting but we had no idea how bad. We should have been there for you and we weren't." Sonny apologized.

Clay just shrugged it off. In his mind, they had nothing to apologize for, but he knew there was no sense in arguing about it so he just let it go.

Brock looked at the clock and realized it was late afternoon. "It's almost 4:00. What do you say we go get you a decent meal somewhere?" Brock asked Clay, knowing he needed to eat something decent.

Clay wasn't entirely up for going out, but he agreed. He knew he needed to eat something and for the first time since this whole thing started, he was actually a bit hungry.

"The usual place?" Sonny asked.

"The usual place sounds good." Clay smiled, as they headed out the door.

Clay finally felt himself being pulled out of the darkness, but he knew in order to be pulled out of it completely he still had to have two more conversations. Two conversations that he wasn't entirely looking forward to, but he wasn't going to worry about that right now. For now, he was going to take it one step at a time and enjoy the small victory he just made.


	7. Chapter 7

While grabbing a bite to eat and talking a bit more to Brock and Sonny, Clay finally started to feel like things were turning around. He definitely didn't feel completely back to his normal self, but it was still progress so he accepted it.

Once they were done eating they dropped Clay back off at his apartment, satisfied with the progress that was made. They knew he still had a small ways to go, but they didn't want to push too far too fast. Clay thanked them for being there and lunch, and then headed towards his apartment.

As he was walking towards the stairs, he realized how emotionally drained and exhausted he was. He couldn't wait to get back in to his apartment. As he made it to the top of the stairs and rounded the corner leading to his apartment. He looked up and stopped in his tracks.

Jason was sitting on the ground next to his door just waiting for him to return home.

"Uh. Hey?" Clay said questionably. There was no need to ask Jason what he was doing there, he knew he was there to talk. Clay just wished the conversation could have waited a day or two longer.

"Hey." Jason replied softly as he began to stand up.

Clay unlocked his door and pushed it open, motioning for Jason to enter.

Jason nodded and slowly entered with Clay following right behind. Jason sat down on the couch while Clay headed towards the kitchen. "You uh, want something to drink?" Clay asked.

"Sure. Yeah. I'll take a beer." Jason said.

Clay grabbed two beers and walked towards the living room, handing one of the beers to Jason and then sitting on the opposite end of the couch.

There was about 45 seconds of awkward silence before Jason finally spoke up. "Look." Jason said ending the silence. "I know we didn't exactly see eye to eye in Mexico but…"

"I'm sorry. I was out of line and I never should have questioned you." Clay cut him off.

"Don't apologize. I get it. You were frustrated and uhhhh maybe a little right." Jason said, slightly catching Clay off guard.

"I was right?" Clay asked.

Jason slowly nodded his head up and down. "Only a little right." Jason smiled. I DID want to prove that I was ready to be back. Not just to Mandy but to everyone so I might have pushed things a little too far. We never should have followed Lazo after he left the club, not without backup. But we HAD to get to him in order to get to Doza." Jason explained.

"I understand Jason. I do. The worlds a better place now that they're gone, you don't have to apologize for that." Clay replied.

"But I do. If we wouldn't have followed Lazo, you guys wouldn't have been taken and tortured. We wouldn't have had to rescue you guys and.,," Jason trailed off. "I wouldn't have had to bring you back to life." He mumbled.

"And you wouldn't have gotten Lazo and Doza." Clay added.

Jason knew Clay was right. The team had done things they weren't exactly proud of in order to find Clay, Brock and Sonny, things they never would have done had half their teammates not been taken. If they hadn't, they probably never would have found Lazo and Doza.

"I don't blame you for what happened. Not anymore." Clay added as Jason looked up at him. "I did. I did for a long time, but when we were out to eat and Sonny told me everything you guys did to find us, I realized I was wrong to blame you."

Jason sort of shrugged his shoulders but didn't say a word.

"You were just doing what you had to do. I get that now." Clay continued.

"I'd do it every time. Those two men, they were pure evil. They needed to be stopped, but I am sorry if anything I said or did made you feel like you doubted me as a leader. That was never my intention. I will always do anything and everything it takes to keep you and the rest of the team safe. It might not always seem that way, but it's true." Jason admitted.

"I understand that now and I'm sorry for ever doubting you." Clay also apologized.

The two men then stood up and hugged it out before sitting back down. "So uh, about earlier with your dad. Sorry about that." Jason said.

Clay let out a little laugh. "Don't be. I'm just sorry I didn't get to punch him first."

"What was he doing here anyway?" Jason asked, knowing Ash hardly ever stopped by to see Clay when he was in town.

"He wanted to talk so he took me to dinner to that new Italian place last night, or at least attempted. I walked out after I had enough. He was rubbing in the fact that Stella left, said I'm no better than he was, tried to talk me into leaving Bravo and joining his buddies team. I didn't want to hear any of it, so I walked home. Bastard didn't even try to stop me." Clay rolled his eyes.

"He let you walk home? Why didn't you call someone? Did you forget you were in the hospital not too long ago?" Jason wished now he would have punched Ash even harder.

Clay shrugged. "I didn't know who to call, plus I needed fresh air. And the doctor said walking would be good for me. Sonny and I were supposed to meet at our usual running spot this morning to walk but I obviously never made it, hence why he showed up here."

Jason hated the fact that Clay felt like he had no one to call. "I know I was probably one of the last people you wanted to talk to but you can always call me. I don't care what's going on between us. I will always be there if you need me. Anybody on the team would be there. That's a far walk, and even though the doctor said walking was good, I don't quite think he meant that far. At least not yet. How you feeling?" Jason asked as the realization of the impact the walk could have had on Clay hit him.

"Tired, sore, but it's nothing I can't handle." Clay was downplaying how he really felt and Jason knew it instantly. He saw how slow the kid was moving as they entered the apartment and how he kept shifting in his seat trying to find a more comfortable position, but decided not to say anything.

"Why don't you go relax and get some sleep?" Jason suggested.

Clay immediately agreed and headed towards his bedroom after thanking Jason and locking the door once he left. He couldn't remember the last time he felt this exhausted. He slept the entire rest of the day, only getting up once to use the bathroom and grab something to eat, before heading back to bed where he stayed until the next morning.

He woke up the next morning around 7:00 am. It was the first time in a few weeks he felt like he actually had enough rest without having to take medication or being woken up from a bad dream. He was glad to finally start feeling like himself again. There was just one more thing he had left to do, and it was the one thing he was dreading the most.

Clay stayed in bed for a few minutes, contemplating his next move before finally getting up and heading towards the living room. He sat down on the couch and pulled out his phone, deciding it would be best to just get it over with.

He searched through his recent contacts and hit call once he got to his father's number.

"Hello?" Clay heard from the other end of the phone.

He took a deep breath and replied "Hey Dad."

"Quite surprised to hear from you so soon." Ash said back.

"Yeah, well, I feel like we never really got to finish our conversation last night." Clay couldn't believe he even brought up last night to his father. He was still pissed at him for everything, but he never had a chance to say what he wanted to.

"You want to talk about last night?" Ash was surprised, not really sure which part of the conversation Clay was referring to.

"I'm not leaving Bravo to join your buddy's team. I can't believe you even thought I would consider it." Clay started, already feeling himself getting fired up.

"I just thought it would be a good opportunity for you, for us. We'd be able to see each other a bit more, I could show you some of the ropes, show you how to run your own team, maybe…"

Clay quickly cut him off laughing. "Since when do you care about spending time with me!? You have never been there for me. Ever. All of a sudden you want to start now? I don't think so."

"I have always cared about you Clay. Whether you believe that or not, it's true." Ash said.

"Is that why you walked out when I was five? And when my mom couldn't being a single mother sent me to go live with my grandparents because you couldn't be bothered to step up and take care of me. Because you 'cared' about me?" It took everything Clay had in him not to hang up on his father.

"That's not fair and you know it. You're in the industry, you know how hard it is to balance work and personal lives." Ash tried to defend himself.

"That's a bullshit excuse. You could have made it work if you wanted to but you couldn't be bothered." Clay was beginning to get angrier now.

"Yeah? If it's such a bullshit excuse why couldn't you make it work with Stella? Huh?" Ash hit Clay with the low blow.

"Two completely different situations dad. I got shot and it scared the shit out of her. She said she couldn't sit around just waiting for me to die, but you, you left because you couldn't be bothered. You didn't..." Clay spoke loudly into the phone as the line went dead when Ash hung up on him.

Clay was still fired up after his fight with his dad, but he was glad to have gotten everything off his chest. It felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders and he could finally move on for good.

A few minutes later he heard his phone ringing. He looked at the caller ID and was satisfied to see it wasn't his father.

"Hey Sonny, what's up? Clay answered the phone.

"Hey there pretty boy. Just called to see how you were doing today?" Sonny asked.

"You know what? I think I'm good. I think I'm real good." Clay smiled.

"That's what I like to hear. Whatchu say we go take that walk today? Get these ole' bodies moving and back to fighting shape. I already talked to Brock, he's gonna meet us there." Sonny asked. Sonny, Clay and Brock still had a few weeks before they would be cleared to return back to active duty but they were going do everything they could to try to speed up the process.

"Yeah. Sounds good. I'll see you guys there." Clay said as he hung up.

As he was getting ready to walk out the door, he stopped and looked in the mirror. He finally recognized the guy staring back at him and smiled. _'I'm back.'_ Clay thought as he smiled. _'I'm back.'_

 **The End!**

Sorry this chapter took so long. Things were pretty crazy here with the holidays and family coming to visit. I didn't have much time to write. I hope you all liked it and have no fear, the next story has already been started. :)


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